Conscious Death and Conscious Grief
Grief Processing: The Roller Coaster of Death and Grief
Death always seems like such a sad event – the loss of the loved one, the fear that we will never see them ever again. In death as in grief there are memories that get clouded over by the feelings of loss and pain. Riding the roller coaster of this pain is daunting and then of course, we have to deal with all aspects of what society thinks we need to do to legally declare a death – finances, funerals, our homes, cars and by the way, where do I eat dinner that night? How do I spend my evenings and weekends?
Becoming Conscious About Grief
I used to eat at a dining table with my partner and now I can’t do it because they are not there. all of these seemingly mundane things we took for granted throw us into a great free fall and we are shifting sand. We experience groundlessness and we do not like it. So getting conscious about grief is staying present to the pain in its entirety. We have a dark night of the soul as we tread through the gloomiest of times and many of us understand drugs to kill our pain or alcohol as an escape- anything to not be present to the pain as it washes over us like the wave of a Tsunami.
Facing the Storm
Conscious Grief is facing the storm, inviting grief to have its way with you fully, not holding back anything. It is a give me what you got moment. It can be ugly, very hard and yet one day soon in that process, grief will have spent its worst in you and you will emerge into the fresh air, take a deep breath, feel the sun on your face and face your life as it is right at that moment. It does not mean your grief is gone. It truly never is. You just find a place for it in your heart where you can be with your loved one and smile at the silly things you did and said, the adventures you went on- you will always miss that person, but you will also know deep in your heart that they are always with you.
You can and will have deep joy and gratitude for the time you had together and what you both created.
Conscious Death
Conscious death is choosing to be present to what is inevitably coming at you. Facing death with an open heart and a clean, clear mind is an amazing thing to watch. Unfinished business is done, any life regrets are gone and all that remains left is to say goodbyes and transition to the ethereal world. It doesn’t mean no medication and it certainly does not mean suffering as you transition. It is hard enough for the body who wants to hold onto the spirit to let go, because the body knows that is the end of the physical vessel, but the spirit wants to fly.The spirit understands it is going home. However, death of the physical body is long, arduous work.
The Journey Through the Time of Grief
If I am lucky enough to have the time to assist someone through cleaning up and regrets and unfinished business, then I start the ritual of meditation for their death to be as painless as the Universal Consciousness can allow it and that their last breath be that of a sigh as they soar into the next level of energy. This all takes time to have people accept their own death. It is the ideal but that is not always available. Next is the journey through the process of grief. Grief is overwhelming pain and sadness along with a myriad of other conflicting emotions. We feel glad that our loved one is no longer in pain or suffering, but then we feel the overwhelming loss. There is a process through grief and each person goes through it differently. There is no proper time to grieve and move it. It takes what it takes and again each person has an individualized experience of it. I hope none of the survivors hold back or think it is inappropriate to have strong emotions that whip them around like a car driving very fast on an extremely curved road. I encourage people to hold on tight and experience all of it. This too shall pass, even though it is like a kidney stone. With time and attention to oneself, eventually the clouds part and you don;t feel bad about smiling and laughing. What sometimes assists a person is what is called Legacy work.
Legacy Work
Legacy work is creating something that is made to honor the life of the person who passed. Sometimes it is a bench with a dedication plaque at a lake where you used to vacation and your loved one absolutely adored the place. It can be dedicating a book to a church or a synagogue. It can be planting trees. It can be creating a course you teach at a college in a subject your partner taught and loved. If you can think of it, it can be done. Legacy work is completing the circle on your grief. Truthfully, our grief will always be with you, but you will find a storage place for it in our heart. Legacy work can help you find that place. Working on legacy happens to be a big favorite of mine. It is a place of peace, acceptance and a moving forward in the different space in what has now become your new life.
