Death Doula – End of Life Doula
For many years people have heard of Birth Doulas and how they assist the mother through her pregnancy and often stay on with the family to assist as parents and baby adjust to life at home. They coach young mothers on how to nurse, what techniques can be used to make the early adjustment for the baby from womb to being in this world as well as help the parents get through what is often challenging transitions. One day you are pregnant, go through labor and boom, you have the sole responsibility of caring for an infant with no user’s manual accompanying that new baby to guide you. Birth Doulas are a comfort for many parents – an additional set of hands, neutral point of view, just there to assist.
What Is an End of Life Doula?
Many people have never heard of an End of Life Doula, also commonly referred to as a Death Doula, and are unsure what a Death Doula does or if they need the services of one. An End of Life Doula works with the whole family to prepare everyone for the transition of the person dying. Clarity in exactly what the person dying wants is often not the same as the family wants and it is the job of the Doula to support what the dying person’s wishes are and effectively negotiate a compromise between the family and the person dying, if one is needed.
What Else Does a Death Doula Do?
The End of Life Doula agrees to hold space for the wishes of the person passing. It is their death and that alone must be honored by the Doula. Details like setting up the deathbed place, flowers, music, washing of the body post death and whatever else the wishes of the deceased are upon their physical death prior to the funeral home picking them up are agreed upon by the Death Doula and the family. Often the Doula will be asked to be at the deathbed in the form of a vigil to support the peaceful transition of the dying as well as assist the family in all the details that must be carried out quickly post death. An End of Life Doula who has worked with the family can be a tremendous help during this turbulent time. All manner of details must be ironed out in advance in order to promote peace and comfort to the dying, their family and friends.
Grief Process
Additionally, there can be a separate agreement to assist the family post-death with the grieving process and eventually guide the family to a Grief Group, if that is their wish. Emotions run high surrounding the death of a loved one. It is the Doula’s job to keep working on continued peace and contentment for the family as they begin the long grief process.
It Is an Honor to Do This Work.
It is gratifying, grueling work and yet it is one of the most joyful situations a person could be in. Helping a person to have the departure they want is a true blessing. I did my End of Life Doula training at a wonderful place called INELDA located in NJ. The training was during COVID, all online but brilliantly done with break out rooms and over a period of several weeks with long days for proper learning of this craft. I highly recommend the skill to everyone who is so inclined, because even if you never intend to work as an End of Life Doula, it will give you tools that can help you through any death you might encounter.
